Accident prone or just stupid….

This weekend I crafted a table. A few years back my stepmother gave me some bedside tables that she was getting ride of because the interior decorator said they must go. She wasn’t wrong that interior decorator they are awful and way out dated. They are basically pressed partial board in the shape of a circle at the top and the idea is you cover them with some kind of mini tablecloth that goes to the ground. At any rate knowing me she thought maybe I could do something with them. I tackled the first one when I first got them because at the time I was really in to mosaics with the little half glass marble things. So I made a pattern with the little half marbles of flowers and vines and grouted it and gave it to my sister for an out side table. At the time she had a covered porch but since then it was on a 100% none covered porch and the legs basically melted in to nothing. I took of the top and just sat it on a little table and it works just as well but as you might guess its been though the ringer and its looking pretty beat up. So the other day I found the other table and I thought you know I need a project and why not tackle this again. This time I wanted to do mirrors but like a shit load of tiny circle mirrors I thought that would be really cool until I priced a shit load of tiny circle mirrors. So after much deliberation I thought no I will just paint something cool on the top and then spray a clear coat to protect it and be done but even as I had the thought I knew I was cheating the table. So I went to home depot and walked around for inspiration and what do you know I found it. You can by like 6 foot X foot square mirrors for like 10 bucks and even the grout is half as cheap at home depot then at the craft stores (I know this but tend to forget it when its time for a new project). So I got every thing I needed and went home to get to work. And the first thing that needed to be done was to shatter all these mirrors in to little pieces I could glue to the top of the table in random patterns. This is were I thought to my self now am I really accident prone or am I just really stupid. There I was bear foot and with now gloves in fact I had a short sleeve shirt on and shorts so very little of my body was protected and by just cotton fabric which would not have done much. And I am slamming a hammer in to mirror, which is just treated glass, and it is going everywhere. When I was done smashing the mirrors my first thought was ok now how am I going to get up and walk any were when there is broken glass every were. Also very stupid was not wearing gloves when I sorted though all the smashed glass and glued them to the table. Then the final challenge was grouting some how I did this whole project with out one cut. But really a normal person would think of safety but not me no no who needs safety I mean hell I got annoyed when the guy at home depot said I should get a mask if I was going to spray paint.

I don’t feel like I have crazy high standards I mean I expect the same level of work that I am able to give. I don’t think I am crazy fast or efficient I mean I hold my own but I am not breaking any records so to hold you to the same standard as I hold my self I feel like that is reasonable. Not even the same standards honestly I mean just do your job correctly and in a timely manor and we will be fine.
However when it takes you weeks to do one task that I have asked you to do we have a problem. Because I know your work habits I don’t come to you for any thing unless you are the only person that can do it. When I have to ask you every day for weeks to do something and it is still not done especially when I know this task takes 10 min tops we are going to have words. I don’t know if you have really horrible time management skills or your work load is more than you can handle and honestly I don’t care you need to take action to fix the issue. When your staff members are coming to you and flat out telling you that you don’t know what your doing and when you do know it takes you weeks to get one little thing done you have a problem. Also I think it is hilarious that you think you will have no problem training the new staff members when you have no idea what we actually do. Honestly I would respect you a lot more if you just said “I have no idea what you do maybe it would be better if you trained the new staff” instead of dicking me around with this you wont be involved bull shit.
So to sum up. When I ask you to do something just know that my expectation is not for it to happen in 3 weeks. Also know that if I am coming to you it is because I can not go to any one else and you are my last resort. And finally when I ask you every day to do this task do not be put out or annoyed because you should have done this when I asked you the first time 4 weeks ago.

I am a new aunt now. I have no idea what this means other than from now on a small child will be with in earshot of me, which is never a good thing. I spent all day Monday in the hospital with some of my family and my brother-in-laws parents. The all day part was a little annoying but the worst was Brett’s mother. I had to leave a lot and just walk around to keep from hitting her. Her other son has like 18 kids or something ridiculous like that and so she sat there and told horrifying birth stories all day long. Its like being in a plane and having someone constantly telling stories of all the plane crashes they have been in. If you cant say something productive then shut the fuck up. Baby Brody finally came at 2:22 after an emergency C-section. There were all kinds of scary shit that happened but every one is fine now and resting. Kristy, Brett and Brody wont go home for a few more days now but every one is healthy and happy. I held Brody which was terrifying I mean I don’t care what any one says they are so breakable and I am very very accident prone it was very scary. But he is a cute little shit and has a built in family that loved him before they every meet him so that’s got to be a good thing.

Why people annoy me

1. How can you not tell you spit food every were when you eat
2. Don’t lie to my face and then get mad when I call you out on it
3. Don’t tell me how busy you are and then sit in my office and chat for an hour
4. Don’t ask me to walk 4 blocks to go get coffee with you when its 105 out side
5. How do you not know that your saliva gathers in the corners of your mouth like a drooling dog
6. Don’t try to be my friend when I know you talk shit about me behind my back
7. Don’t tell me there is not much you can do about ants overtaking my office
8. Respect my personal space – do not stand so close to me in a line that I can feel your body heat
9. I cant think of more right now but I am sure I will

Things I should do but don’t:

Put lotion on every night: I want to I really do but I never remember until I am already in bed and comfy so I just say oh I will do it tomorrow and then I never do.

Work Out: This one I have no desire to do but I am getting older and weaker and my joints hurt and I know it would be all around good for me. I would like to be thinner I just feel like its to impossible and I would just be setting my self up for disaster.

Make-up: For a long time I held steady on this one I mean I have never worn make up and don’t think I need to but I am getting older. Its not that I turned 30 and I am not hideous but my skin is splotchy and I just feel like it might be time. I don’t like the feel of any make up I have ever tired which goes for the one I am trying now but I am trying so we shall see this one may come off the list.

Floss: I do floss but not nearly as much as I should.

Thank you cards: I don’t do this for a lot of reasons really but mostly because I don’t spell well and there is no spell check on a paper card. Also it just seams like this old tradition that every one dose because that’s what you do not because they are really thankful. Luckily I don’t have things like weeding showers or baby showers were the “rules” say you have to send thank you cards out for. Also if we really break this down who keeps thank you card I mean we are killing trees people.

Eat right: Its not that I am a horrible eater or any thing I just don’t really pay attention and I should. I think I associate it with school were you have to count this and measure that and that’s to technical for me my brain just doesn’t work that way. So instead I just shut down and stop thinking about it all together. I swear if some one would just follow me around and tell me what to eat and how much I would be one skinny bitch.

Have more confidence: I mean this all boils down to self-esteem and I don’t have a lot of that but I do think I am getting better at it. I just need to do things like hold my head up and shoulders back, make and maintain eye contact and smile at people.

Flirt/date: I don’t know that I even know how to flirt I mean I think I do but its been so long and its important. Sometimes I think I am just dead inside when it comes to men I mean I don’t even look at the opposite sex as some one to date more of just another human roaming around the earth and that cant be normal. This is a self-esteem thing also but I need to get over that.

Blog: I enjoy blogging and being able to say any thing that you want or feel and not worrying what people think about it. Its like therapy but free I mean you get to get shit off your chest and no ones option gets in the way. I blogged for a while but then got really concerned about what people would say if I wrote this or that and so now I am starting anew and I don’t think I will tell any one were this one is.

What the...

A grey hair when did that happen. Yesterday I was making mud pies in the back yard. Today I have grey hair. This is all happening to fast and yet eerily slow. I don’t know that I sat around and dreamed of what and were I would be at 32 but I don’t think this is what I had in mind. I am single and I think I might always be and while I sometimes think this may be ok that is mostly just the insecurity and uncertainty of what to do about it. Because lets face it I have to do something I have to take an action or I am looking at what the rest of my life will look like. But what to do and were I mean I am a big old hot mess and its overwhelming to think of were to start. What is the secret do you love and accept what you are or do you despise what you are so you are forced to change. And then dose that mean your changing for a man or for you. Its to much I just need a someone to say “ if you do this things will change”. And lets just say that by some miracle I do meet someone my history with relationships is not that great I am sure I would screw it up very fast.

So lets just skip the fact that I will die alone and go on to this weird place I have created for my self professionally. My worry was always that I did not take the right path and that would at some point come to bite me in the ass. And in an odd way it has. I never went to collage and I could blame the fact that there was no money for me but the truth is I probably would have never passed any classes still I think would have like the chance to try. At any rate I had no plan but kind of just fell in to one and gained experience and started to realize that it was a great place to start. Since then I have used that experience to move up but now I find my self in an interesting spot. The problem I think is that I have priced my self out. The next step in my career would be to a position that may make what I currently make. And on top of that they want degrees. So is this were it ends? I mean really is this what my life will be like from now on personal and professionally?

And what do I do about this damn grey hair?