What the...

A grey hair when did that happen. Yesterday I was making mud pies in the back yard. Today I have grey hair. This is all happening to fast and yet eerily slow. I don’t know that I sat around and dreamed of what and were I would be at 32 but I don’t think this is what I had in mind. I am single and I think I might always be and while I sometimes think this may be ok that is mostly just the insecurity and uncertainty of what to do about it. Because lets face it I have to do something I have to take an action or I am looking at what the rest of my life will look like. But what to do and were I mean I am a big old hot mess and its overwhelming to think of were to start. What is the secret do you love and accept what you are or do you despise what you are so you are forced to change. And then dose that mean your changing for a man or for you. Its to much I just need a someone to say “ if you do this things will change”. And lets just say that by some miracle I do meet someone my history with relationships is not that great I am sure I would screw it up very fast.

So lets just skip the fact that I will die alone and go on to this weird place I have created for my self professionally. My worry was always that I did not take the right path and that would at some point come to bite me in the ass. And in an odd way it has. I never went to collage and I could blame the fact that there was no money for me but the truth is I probably would have never passed any classes still I think would have like the chance to try. At any rate I had no plan but kind of just fell in to one and gained experience and started to realize that it was a great place to start. Since then I have used that experience to move up but now I find my self in an interesting spot. The problem I think is that I have priced my self out. The next step in my career would be to a position that may make what I currently make. And on top of that they want degrees. So is this were it ends? I mean really is this what my life will be like from now on personal and professionally?

And what do I do about this damn grey hair?